I am leaning on the kitchen counter with my back to the front door, chatting to Onima and enjoying the cool evening breeze on the backs of my bare legs. Shorts are tight but comfy; looking good, feeling fantastic. I hear my Beloved arrive home but he stays outside talking softly to someone on the phone. He is right outside the kitchen door where he can see me. So I lean further onto the counter, push my butt out and give the man a little show. Few sways, pushing my behind out.. hell yeah.. feeling sexy. I keep expecting he will end his call and come squeeze my ass… I wait and wait. Nothing. I turn around and he is not there. Confused, I walk towards the door and spot my neighbor. On his phone. He gives me a weird smile. Eish.
Category Archives: Husbands
Husband Fun Times
Grandmother Business
My grandmother is 88 – we call her Onima (no one can remember why). She is the most remarkable woman; she says it like it is, never takes any nonsense and is incredibly protective and supportive of her family. She also has the sharpest tongue. The entire family and many a friend and husband, have had a stinging tongue lashing on more than one occasion. She also has a plethora of fantastic sayings some of which I will share.
The latest entertainment:
“I am going to find a man and just pay him to put it in”. She says this aggressively at the top of her voice. About her car radio. When we snickered she glared us at and defended her right to spend her money on her car. Which she drives to the shopping centre once or twice a week. The centre is 4 minutes away from her house. Of course she needs a new CD player!
Packing
Douglas insists that we share a suitcase for a weekend away (I would prefer my own, maybe even two of my own). This is the outcome:
An appropriate representation of our cupboards too.
Long Time
It’s been a really long time since the last time I have looked at this blog and it’s time to get active. Fun times are on their way xx
Christians
Scenario: Hens Party
Entertainment: Hot, mostly naked strippers
So Denise* is hanging out at the back of the room away from the action, not wanting to be called up to simulate sex using a cucumber (or other strange things you are required to do when there are male stippers about.. And honestly, can they not take some lessons from the ladies at Wonder Lounge.. Where the tease is without the sleaze).
There are 2 other ladies hiding out with her, so she innocently asks if they are also avoiding the action, because obviously Denise is far to civilised for crap like this. Their reply is that they are ‘not into this type of thing’. Denise, not having much in the way of a filter and being funny of course, replies ‘So, are you guys like hardcore fucking Christians?’. Their answer:’Yes’.
Smile, blush and walk away… Ha ha.. So glad it was not me
*Names have been changed
Why I Have The Best Husband
After discussing the concept of reincarnation with my son, he is asked what he would choose to come back as. To which he confidently answers.. I don’t really care as long as I can come back and find your mom again.
I am not sure I could ever be happier or more in love.
Reason to have a Husband: Two
Chauffeur service after you have had to much to drink (and all other times really)
How You Know You’ve Had a Fun Night
1. You have vomitted in a salad bowl
2. You are wearing crotchless panties (only)
3. You have more eye-make up on your cheeks and pillow than on your eyes
4. You are reminded the next morning that you had found the perfect cheezy song for a lap dance.. And its still owed.
How to replace a triplet – Mich’s Pledge
This is what I need to sign to take over from the beautiful Jill who has followed her dumbass husband to IOM. Keeping to these pledge items is no small feat.
1. Always be obsessed with hair and feet
2. Always be obsessed with the sun (feel the need to sunbathe for about 7 hours a week)
3. When with Mom and Leon, never pay for anything
4. Get drunk and throw coffee on Mom’s car
5. Get belligerent with Hilly
6. Throw name away whenever possible
7. Always ensure people do what you command them
8. Spell terrible (I think she means terribly in an ironic way)
9. Always throw in a stutter
10. Love and protect family, and most importantly love Claire and Caren
11. Do not ever invite Sharon to family functions
12. Give Claire and Caren open wardrobe rights
13. Make up silly dances when inappropriate
14. Always take and fetch sisters when needed
15. Don’t let sisters sleep at your house (haha)
16. Flirt excessively when drunk
17. Always have a fetish for shoes
18. Always think you are the hottest triplet
19. Always attack sisters pimples
20. Always think you are the most clever triplet
21. Make sure you take your laxatives
22. Write with your left hand at all times
23. Always wear boho clothes
24. Always hug the left hand side of the road and try not to indicate
25. Love Claire’s cat unconditionally and visit all the damn time!
26. Sleep overs are a must (but not at your house)
27. Talk at the same speed and pitch as the other triplets
28. Make Doug work shifts and visit Mom
Honestly, I don’t think replacing Jill is possible. Miss you booboo.
Reasons to have a Wife: One
Necessity
Someone needs to remove the empty toilet roll and add a fresh one.
Fun Times 